Hear words of wisdom from Dr. Allan G. Hedberg concerning his 86th birthday.
FAMILY LEGACY MEMO #2
SO, I AM NOW 86 YEARS OLD
The other day, I reached the 86th milestone of life. It came and allowed family and a few friends to express best wishes for the future over brunch with Bernice and an office party. Within 24 hours it was a fleeting memory. All my family joined in with cards, phone calls, and gifts. These are times when you reflect of the value and the depth of family relationships
The age of 86 is not a particularly profound birthday or age milestone. It is significant, however, when celebrating and placing a personal meaning on the event in some special way. To me, the day was not particularly profound, but it does present opportunity for reflection. I now share my reflections with you in this family legacy manifesto (#2).
REFLECTIONS:
On the day of my birthday, three clients expressed not only their well wishes, but their admiration for my appearance of being less than 86, They each called attention to my lifestyle that is active and vigorous for my age. I guess I can add my ongoing commitment to my professional practice and my patients as a clinical psychologist. I guess I can include my commitment and involvement with my family and friends in that as well.
I was asked how I do it. What are the keystones of my life that keep me vigorous, productive, and healthy? I had to admit that I really never thought much of that particular question nor was I generally aware that I really do live a productive life above the line that most people experience at this same age.
When I was asked this question by three people, it prompted me to note the keystone components of my lifestyle. That prompt caused me to pause and reflect. At the time I gave three or four points that they were requesting in the hopes of not only answering their question adequately, but giving them guidance in their own life as to how they can live a high quality of life at whatever age that they were at the time or will attain. Now I have sat back and reflected more seriously and more comprehensively as to how I have lived and how I shall live. Here goes…
First, let me comment about my general health and well-being. Shortly after I started my doctoral studies in 1964, at Queen’s University, I contracted Sarcoid disease and was hospitalized. It took me about two months to recover. I was supported and encouraged by Bernice and our daughter Carrie who took her first steps outside my hospital window as I watched and clapped. I kept attending classes every day and engaged in my graduate program without missing a step. It was tough. I was totally tired and often napped. I recovered with much support from Bernice, friends, and the church we were attending at the time.
The next time I sought medical attention was not because I needed it, but because Bernice wanted me to get a comprehensive medical examination. After resisting her for awhile, I finally consented and did so in 2014, fifty years later. I had not seen a doctor or had any medication during that 50-year span. Interestingly, I had no medical issues at that time either until 2022, when I developed some type of heart condition resulting in a very slow heartbeat, fatigue, and a low pulse. Within 6 months of consulting a variety of medical consultants and following certain medical procedures, I recovered and have had no medical issue since. I live a full physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and recreational life. I trust the Lord that this will continue for many years into the future.
First and primary, I want to thank the Lord that I have lived a healthy life, a full and successful life, and a life that has been sprinkled with international travel, many friends, a great church community, a full and satisfying professional career, and the writing of 15 books and over 175 articles on a variety of topics related to psychology. I have had a satisfying teaching career, and the satisfaction that comes with being a leader in the national community of psychologists, serving as president of several different psychological associations and business enterprises. I would add to this the enjoyment and the satisfaction that comes from knowing that I have been a consistent and faithful leader within my church and the general Christian community for the advancement of the gospel of Jesus Christ and its impact on people the world over.
At the same time, let me add that life has not been without its trauma and high levels of stress, disappointments, hurts, painful experiences, and heart breaking relationships. To be sure, I have been let down, betrayed, falsely accused, attacked, and abandoned by many, the worst of which has been a few close friends I have fostered over the years. Each of these experiences were difficult to overcome and live beyond. I have done that fairly well, although such experiences never leave without marks being left behind on your memory, personality, emotions, and world view. Obviously, each of these is a topic in and of itself, but not at this time.
KEYSTONE MARKERS:
So, what are the keystone markers that have shaped my life and allowed me to live the life I have lived? What are the keystone markers that have helped my cope with frustration, hurts and hardships? What are the keystone markers that have allowed me to be successful, achieve, and contribute to the life of others?
It is important to note that these are not iron clad and they are not proven patterns of behavior, or are guaranteed to help anyone live a life even close to what I have experienced. They mark my life. I do recommend that you consider such components for your life and encourage such living in the life of your children. Perhaps you can pick out a few pointers and make them your “key stone markers” as you go forward.
A life based on the Christian faith. Such living is marked with an ongoing confidence in God’s prevailing purpose for my life and to use my life for the good of others. With faith genders hope. Hope genders confidence and expectation that good will prevail and that God’s will is stronger than any other force and will ultimately prevail.
Engage in creative activity. Creativity is a journey of the unknown. You start somewhere, but do not know where we’ll end up. The journey is unique, stimulating and the result surprising. It is not uncommon for one creative project to generate another and then another. Each project adds zest to life. I have had many such projects. And many more to follow.
Routine physical exercise. To be sure, bodily movement is important for health. However, it’s not just the day-to-day routine activity but it is the times of excess where you exert energy, stretch the limits, push the limits, challenge the heart, and experience exhilaration. Twenty minutes of such activity each day is minimal, but still helps. It may not be all at once. It can be in spurts of three of five minutes each. For me, it’s a middle of the night exercise of 20 minutes and a visit to the local fitness center three to four times weekly, 40 minutes each visit.
Nutritional supplements. Thankfully, I have not needed or utilized medication until I was 85. However, nutritional supplements have been utilized for many years. These include a general vitamin, Vitamin D, Fish Oil, a baby aspirin, and I added Zinc when COVID came bouncing upon us. That’s it.
Engage in social relationships and interpersonal relationships. As a psychologist, I have over 50 years of meeting and talking personally with at least 7 to 9 people daily. They all add to my life and add a level of stimulation of ideas as well as interpersonal challenges. In addition, I have always maintained a circle of male friends as well as couples that Bernice and I have enjoyed together over the years. However, several years back I began to count the number of men in my life who have died and left me behind. As I write this, the count has now reached 45 men I have considered friends and/or close associates. Each have left a mark of absence in my life. Replacing these friends has not been easy. I do remember with distinction when our three children left the home to go to college and begin their life of independence. Each left a mark of absence and loneliness in my life even though we maintained a relationship over time from afar. This was especially notable when Ethan, the last of the three, left home for the university. He was very special to me as he was the last of our children to leave home for college. I then lost my last of my three “playmates.”
The relaxation response. A time of relaxation has become increasingly important and appreciated. For some, relaxation means living on a chaise lounge. For me, it is a change of pace, a chance of scenery, a change in routine. I accomplished this through a variety of relaxation activities and exercises such as fishing, golf, swimming, and sometimes just an afternoon nap. One of the very important skills I learned in my clinical training as a psychologist was what we know is the “relaxation response.” That is a systematic method of learning to let go of muscle groups and reduce the sensation of muscle tension, let go, and let the body and mind become tranquil and agile for a designated period of time. I have taught this relaxation response to hundreds of patients over the years with good results in their life.
An adequate sleep schedule is vital to healthy living. Research clearly indicates that adequate sleep falls within the range of 6 to 8 hours per night. Research also indicates that the early hours of the night are the best and most healthy sleeping hours. REM sleep must be experienced and protected. I have maintained that throughout my life, generally within the 7-hour of sleep schedule. While I did not nap throughout most of my years, this has been the case in the last five years whether that’s a nap on the bed or falling asleep in the blue chair while watching the late news. A nap and sleep for me has been refreshing and rejuvenating. I benefit from these brief periods of sleep.
A positive, healthy family life. Without a doubt, the Hedberg family life has been healthy and supportive, and uplifting. While we have had our share of disagreements, we have not let those disagreements degenerate into unresolved argumentation, resentment, or unfinished business. Differences have been resolved and we have moved forward as a family. While recognizing the role of the parents as the primary decision-maker, we have always allowed our children to voice their opinions and those opinions be considered. Our family supports and loves each other and together we support friends and those within our realm of social connection. We celebrate each other’s successes, achievements, and special days. A positive family life gives energy and reduces stress. It does not sap energy out of any one family member.
Healthy eating plan. Yes, I have at times overindulged on unhealthy food choices. However, generally speaking, I have tried to keep my food choices in the healthy range and moderate amounts. Fruits and veggies have become increasingly important in my diet. Lately, the goal is to have more chicken and fish and less red meats. The next step is to have less butter, salt, bread and sugar. Over the years, I have been more conscientious in eating more appropriately and healthfully.
THE NO THANK YOU LIST
Lastly, it may be important to identify several activities in which I do not engage, have never engaged, and continue to vow not to be included in my life. Yes, there are times and opportunities to which one must say “no thanks.” Without comment, these include the following:
1. Alcohol use
2. Any form of drug use
3. Pornography
4. High-risk behavior and activities
5. Female relationships beyond Bernice
6. Gambling
7. Cussing
8. Self-defeating thinking and talk
In conclusion, I pen this family legacy manifesto (#2) not to be braggadocios, but to be explementary to my family, friends, and those that may look upon my life as an example for their life and style of living. To be sure, my life has been full of enjoyment, stimulation, excitement, as well as challenges, disappointments, and hurts. I continue to look forward, however.
The goal and intent have always been to press forward to the high calling that God has called me to live and share with others. This family legacy manifesto (#2) is one way to share my sense of personal urgency, personal responsibility, and personal benefit for all who have taken time to read this personal document of living life fully. I keep reminding myself, it is not the years one has lives, but the quality of life one lives.
Allan
May, 2023
